Few would argue that finances play a significant role in marriage and divorce. Given the recent nature of the economy, there has been a lot of speculation on how the financial strain will impact marriages. Although the full impact of the recession on marriages may still be unknown, there have been some interesting reports out there on this topic. According to a poll of 1,600 members of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers, nearly 40% indicated that they were seeing a significant decrease in the number of divorce filings. Some speculate that the sheer financial cost of divorce has encouraged some couples to delay divorcing. Others, as featured in this CNN news release below, have went through with their divorce but have decided to continue living together due to finances. It makes you wonder if they can live together, why not stay together? Perhaps their differences aren’t “irreconcilable.”

A number of years ago, researchers surveyed over 13,000 couples from around the country. These couples were asked to rate their marriage from very unhappy to very happy. Very unhappy meaning “Our marriage couldn’t be worse” and very happy implying that “We have a great marriage relationship.” Here’s the amazing part. Looking at the couples who rated their marriage as very unhappy 5 years later, 80% of those who chose to work on their relationship rated their marriage as happy or very happy. So, it is encouraging to see that by sticking with it and choosing to work on their marriage, couples were able to make significant improvements in their marriage.

The troubled economy is putting a strain on all of our relationships, especially our marriages. No matter the circumstances, let’s choose to continue to build into and strengthen our marriages as they will be a firm foundation for us as we weather these storms.

Like the rest of the Jon and Kate Plus 8 fans, I (Lindsey) found the anticipation for tonight’s show almost unbearable all day. Those of us who have grown to know and love the Gosselins, who have invited them into our living rooms every Monday night, shuddered at the thought that this very episode just might be the end of our favorite reality TV family. 

My dear friend, and office-mate Erin Smalley, her two daughters and myself gathered around the t.v. to find out the reveal of what TLC has hyped as their “big announcement”. Even during the show, we took guesses at what it was. Some thought it was the fact that they might stop the show to work on their marriage, others thought it might be divorce. I so desperately wanted it to be the first one. 

Jon and Kate, while being interviewed separately, both easily admitted that they wanted what would make their family happy. Kate finally admitted, after long drama and anticipation, that they were going to separate. Okay … I can handle separation. However, I found myself a bit saddened because their reasons for separating had absolutely nothing to do with their marriage. It once again, led to what would make them happy. Jon and Kate continued to talk in vague terms about their separation and thier relationship. I knew viewers were going to keep wondering after this show was over. But then, TLC lets us in on a little secret. “On Monday June 22, 2009, legal proceedings were initiated in Pennsylvania to dissolve the ten-year marriage of Jon and Kate Gosselin”. Our mouths dropped, although it probably wasn’t as big of a shocker as it should have been. 

So a month after all of the separation talk, of the “lets do the best for our family” talk, after the “I’m in this for the kids” talk, Jon and Kate are going to end it. They both claim they will be together for birthdays, holidays, and major events. But if these events are going to be as awkward and cold as their Mother’s Day brunch was, you can count me out. 

I am saddened by how all of this played out. I am saddened that America has gotten the picture that you don’t have to fight for you marriage, just doing what makes you happy and what’s best for the kids, justifies a divorce. But, I think even what saddens me more, is the camera man became their therapist. I believe they revealed more on national television, separately, than they did to their spouse. Kate at one point even claimed, “I’ve tried to have a discussion with him, he just wont listen to me”. Kate believed that how the events that played out, would have ultimately happened, even if they were not on a reality t.v. show. However, America watched this family grow up, we witnessed over half of their years of marriage, and certainly some of their most trying moments. 

While I have many more thoughts about Jon and Kate, I am more interested in what you might have to say on the subject. 

Do you think Jon and Kate’s divorce is justified? Did they make the right decision? Did they do every thing they could have done? Is happiness in marriage the ultimate answer?

 What an amazing story!  Check this out!

“BRIDGEPORT, Conn. —  A Connecticut newlywed in her wedding gown is being credited with helping save a family from a Bridgeport house fire.

Officials say that Georgette Clemons had just left her wedding reception Sunday evening when she spotted smoke coming from a home on West McKinley Avenue.  Clemons got out of the car she was riding in and ran into the home. She says a woman was yelling about her animals and didn’t want to get out so she had to pull her out.

As firefighters arrived and battled the blaze after members of the Eitelberg family were rescued, Clemons was nearby folding her blackened wedding dress.  Clemons says she messed up her shoes, but says that’s no big deal because the people inside the burning home are safe.”

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,523720,00.html?test=latestnews

My favorite part is “she says she messed up her shoes, but says that’s no big deal because the people inside the burning home are safe.”  Wow.  What kinds of “stuff” are we putting in front of people, or in front of our marriage?  Take some time to prioritize the things, and more importantly the people, in your life.  Surely, if a bride can take time on her wedding day to help someone become safe, we can take time to make our marriage safe.

Greg and I (Erin Smalley) have just experienced something we haven’t experienced in about 15 years.  After having 3 children, approximately 31/2 years apart from each other over the past 15 years, our lives have become very kid-focused.  Our days are filled with driving kids to school, chauffeuring them to multiple activities, and watching Disney movies as a family.  However, about a month ago, we found out that each child was accepted into a wonderful summer camp.  And it immediately dawned on us: we will be ALONE at home for two “blissful” weeks.  We’ve finally reached the Garden of Eden for married couples!

We have had morning walks, dinners alone, date nights with other couples and even several trips to Wal-Mart with just each other.   Imagine that!  The past two weeks have been wonderful, but more importantly, I have been reminded of a basic marital truth. In the midst of the daily grind of life, we must make time for just the two of us——we have to prioritize our “alone time” as a couple. 

As a couple, the summer months often allow for a change in the normal routine—maybe a few weeks alone or maybe some extra time off of work.  We want to encourage you to spend alone time together this summer as a couple.  Spend time thinking about what you have wanted to do as a couple and then plan it…and follow through this summer. It doesn’t matter if it’s 5 minutes or half a day.  You will be amazed at what being alone together as a couple will do for your marriage.

Summer is right upon us. I (Sherri) am sure that other parents just like me are trying to figure out what to do with our children once school is out. If your children are like mine, they will be just fine for the first week: sleeping in, playing video games, riding bikes and hanging out with their friends. This will consume most of their time. But then there is the next week, when I just know I will hear that phrase. I am guessing you already know. “I’m bored” with a long sigh.

 I have found that we are fortunate here in Northwest Arkansas. We have plenty of activities that we can do as a family that are budget friendly or no cost. I recently ran across an article from the National Healthy Marriage Resource Center –- Budget-friendly Summer Fun for Married Couples with Kids. We have all of these activities right in our backyards.

-       Summer Camps – Boys & Girls Club or the Jones Center  

-       National Parks   &  Wilderness Safari

-       Local Museums &  Libraries

-       Fairs & Festivals  

-       Local Parks & Recreation Programs

-        Volunteerism

-       Home Improvement

-       Neighborhood Cookouts / Block Parties

-       Camping At Home

-       things-to-do in Arkansas

-        Visit your local Chamber of Commerce

 Go out and create some lifelong family summer memories !

Most of us are familiar with the ‘Yield” sign.  On the one hand, we view it with unparalleled relief, excited that we do not have to come to a complete stop!  On the other hand, we sometimes still become frustrated because of the attack on our personal autonomy.  “You mean I have to give up the right of way??”  It serves a purpose, though.  Can you imagine the chaos that might ensue if drivers were left to jockey for position based solely on speed and determination?  NASCAR in your neighborhood!

But what on earth does yielding have to do with our marriages?  Yielding in a marriage means that you are willing to slow down, stop if necessary, and wait.  It means that you will place your power and “rights” under control for a greater cause: your marriage.  If there is a big decision looming, or even daily struggles, be willing to yield your own personal autonomy and sacrifice on the behalf of your spouse and marriage. 

It’s true, however, that you can bypass the yield sign sometimes and still be fine.  But what happens, if on the 9th time, there is an eighteen-wheeler approaching that is not going to slow down?  Don’t give your marriage a chance to wreck.  If both spouses are willing to yield, the marital traffic will clear and provide green lights for your marriage.