Marriage Relationships are Dynamic - They are alive and always changing. They need to be fed, stimulated and nourished to stay alive.

Help us get re-acquainted. There is always something new about your spouse. After several years into a marriage, some of us may feel that we know our spouse like the back of our hand. On the flipside, there are those who complain that in spite of being together all these years, they feel they don’t know their spouse at all. “I’m really married to a stranger” is a declaration often uttered to a therapist or marriage counselor. By organizing date nights, we’ll have a sixth sense into what makes our spouse tick. When we dated the first time, we had a long mental list of things we wanted to know about our significant other. There was consuming interest about what the other ate, bought, thought, felt, and their views on nuclear science, the greening of the environment and the roaring of lions. It’s vital that we keep that interest alive. Curiosity won’t kill the cat, far from it, but it will kill the passions if we don’t exercise it.

Serve to maintain excitement in a marriage - Once in awhile we need to feel that the adrenalin in us is still pumping and is in abundant supply. Do you remember the first time love hit you and you felt that every nerve of your being tingled with excitement? We need to feel that excitement many times over regardless of how long we’ve been married: five, ten, twelve, twenty-five. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with breathing life into a stagnant stream. Don’t ever get sucked into believing that your marriage feels like a “recycled” union of two tired and bored souls.

Need to take time off from the kids - We’ve got to admit that the arrival of children robs us of our time together. There are cries in the night that awaken us because the child had a nightmare, the chauffeuring around tends to make us bone tired, arguments with teenagers drain our energies, and there’s a string of doctors’ appointments, school activities, the occasional problems with curfew and hanging out with the wrong crowd. These can get us all tangled up inside, forgetting that there’s also a marriage that needs looking after.

The KEY: Protect your fun times from conflict. - Establish a “gag rule” where you agree not to bring up old conflicts or issues. Protect your date nights from conflict and just have fun!!!

Here are ten ideas to get you started. If you try some of these, let us know what you think. What are some others you have found to be fun?

Date Night Ideas:

1. Plan a movie night. Rent a flick that you’ll both enjoy, make popcorn, and get cozy under the blanket on the couch.

2. Go for a hike or long walk together.

3. Pick up the ingredients you need to create a fabulous meal at the grocery store and then return home and cook it together.

4. Take a sculpting or drawing class together. Or go to one of those stores where you can paint pottery. Your art will give your beloved a new window into your personality.

5. Miniature golf, bowling, pool, or the arcade are always great for some old-fashioned fun and friendly competition.

6. Fill up a picnic basket with goodies. Go to the park and share your feast with one another. Don’t forget your picnic blanket.

7. Root for the home team at a sporting event of your choice. Indulge in hot dogs, peanuts, and Cracker Jacks.

8. Climb a wall or a real mountain together. This sort of activity is fun but also helps couples build trust.

9. Have a tournament of your choice - Battleship, Monopoly, cards, Playstation, etc. For a twist, the winner has to take the loser out to dinner for another date night.

10. Think outside the box and go out for a romantic breakfast instead of dinner.

The barbeque brisket was just beginning to settle in my stomach as the fireworks began exploding.  I (Erin) sat holding my husband’s hand celebrating our 17^th Fourth of July together.  The fireworks display at the resort was impressive…every imaginable shape, color and configuration possible.  One explosion after the other, the cheers and applause continued after each beautiful creation in the sky. 

The 4^th of July is a celebration of our country’s independence and fireworks are a usual part of the festivities.  Marriage actually has something in common with this holiday. Marriage is not a “separating” but a “joining” of two people, and like the 4^th, there can be many “fireworks” involved in the beginning days of this “joining.” 

Think back to the days of courtship, dating and engagement.  What did you typically feel when you saw your future husband or wife walk into a room or show up at the door to pick you up?  Think of your first date, the first time you met, and your first kiss.  This may bring a flood of memories back to you and I guarantee that there aren’t two stories that are identical. Think of the internal “fireworks” that were ignited with each memory-some were large and colorful and others were small and reserved-but fireworks nonetheless!

What Have You Done for Your Marriage Today?

As the “newness” of marriage wears off, these so-called “fireworks” displays probably begin to disappear or weaken as well.  What can we do to keep the feelings of desire, affection, passion excitement and elation alive and well in our marriages?  In other words, what can we do to rekindle the fireworks?  Here are some suggestions:

• Think back to the early days of what drew you to your future spouse. Recall what attracted you to them. Take time to jot down a few thoughts in a note, email or text and send it to your spouse.
• Remind your spouse that you appreciate them and that you not only love them, but “like” them.
• Talk about some of your first dates together. Recreate the exact date and reminisce about the “early” days of your relationship.
• Ask your spouse what would set “fireworks” off for them. Have them write a list of ideas and suggestions. Choose one activity or suggestion per week.
• Give your spouse the benefit of the doubt when you are upset about something. Catch yourself in negative patterns of thinking. Instead, recall what you appreciate about them or what they are doing right.

Although the Fourth of July has come and gone, wouldn’t it be great to experience fireworks all year long in your marriage?  Let the fireworks begin!