The barbeque brisket was just beginning to settle in my stomach as the fireworks began exploding.  I (Erin) sat holding my husband’s hand celebrating our 17^th Fourth of July together.  The fireworks display at the resort was impressive…every imaginable shape, color and configuration possible.  One explosion after the other, the cheers and applause continued after each beautiful creation in the sky. 

The 4^th of July is a celebration of our country’s independence and fireworks are a usual part of the festivities.  Marriage actually has something in common with this holiday. Marriage is not a “separating” but a “joining” of two people, and like the 4^th, there can be many “fireworks” involved in the beginning days of this “joining.” 

Think back to the days of courtship, dating and engagement.  What did you typically feel when you saw your future husband or wife walk into a room or show up at the door to pick you up?  Think of your first date, the first time you met, and your first kiss.  This may bring a flood of memories back to you and I guarantee that there aren’t two stories that are identical. Think of the internal “fireworks” that were ignited with each memory-some were large and colorful and others were small and reserved-but fireworks nonetheless!

What Have You Done for Your Marriage Today?

As the “newness” of marriage wears off, these so-called “fireworks” displays probably begin to disappear or weaken as well.  What can we do to keep the feelings of desire, affection, passion excitement and elation alive and well in our marriages?  In other words, what can we do to rekindle the fireworks?  Here are some suggestions:

• Think back to the early days of what drew you to your future spouse. Recall what attracted you to them. Take time to jot down a few thoughts in a note, email or text and send it to your spouse.
• Remind your spouse that you appreciate them and that you not only love them, but “like” them.
• Talk about some of your first dates together. Recreate the exact date and reminisce about the “early” days of your relationship.
• Ask your spouse what would set “fireworks” off for them. Have them write a list of ideas and suggestions. Choose one activity or suggestion per week.
• Give your spouse the benefit of the doubt when you are upset about something. Catch yourself in negative patterns of thinking. Instead, recall what you appreciate about them or what they are doing right.

Although the Fourth of July has come and gone, wouldn’t it be great to experience fireworks all year long in your marriage?  Let the fireworks begin!

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