I just googled “wedding gifts,” and was amazed to find that over 43 million pages come up!  I clicked around for a while to see what some of the ideas were.  Some were very traditional: towels, silverware, toasters, etc.  And some were pretty unique: an eco-friendly picnic basket, holy matrimony soap, and my favorite, “Say I Love You” pillowcases.

But I could not help but think that even the most unique of wedding gifts will eventually disappear.  Soap will get used up, and pillowcases will get dirty.  So why not give the couple something that won’t find itself in the garage in 3 years?  How about buying that engaged couple a ticket to our premarital event that’s coming up?

Premarital education can provide a multitude of benefits for the couple entering into marriage.  Many studies have been conducted in order to gauge the effectiveness of premarital education, and the stats are astounding.  Couples who receive education prior to marriage are 31 percent less likely to get divorced, and actually experience a 30 percent increase in their levels of marital satisfaction.

Such couples report improved communication, better conflict management skills, higher dedication to one’s mate, greater emphasis on the positive aspects of a relationship, and improved overall relationship quality. These benefits appear to hold for six months to three years after the program is over, and extend to couples who enter marriage with greater risks, such as those coming from homes where parents had divorced or had high levels of conflict.

If you know someone who is getting married or is seriously considering it, or if you are getting married yourself, take some time to consider coming to our event that is designed just for these kinds of couples.   It will be on Saturday, October 17 (don’t worry, the Hogs are out of town), and will be at the Clarion in Bentonville, AR.  You can sign up here.

Boy meets girl. Girl falls in love with boy. Boy pops the question by mowing it into a field of grass. Now there’s something you don’t see every day! Click on the picture to read about this unique marriage proposal!

A lot of us don’t have the time, energy, or resources available in order to make such a grand proposal, but it’s always fun to read about the ways people propose isn’t it?  But is it not just as fun to reminisce about your own proposal?

Take some time this week with your spouse to remember your own story.  Share your memories, and if you want to get crazy, recreate the scene as a date night!  We would love to hear about your proposal, so please share with us in the comments section.

“I’ve been married six times,” explained one psychologist….”to the same woman.”  He never got divorced but rather he was putting into words what many people experience in their marital relationship over the years.  He went on to say that his marriage “changed, grew and transitioned” so much over the years that he felt at times like he “was married to another woman!”

Most of you have likely experienced this in your own marital relationship.   All healthy marriages experience change and transition over the years.  This actually is what keeps the relationship alive, growing and vibrant.  One researcher describes marriage in 10 stages:  romance, disillusionment, mature love, passion, realization, rebellion, cooperation, reunion, explosion, and completion.  Others describe it in terms of newly married, middle years, and later years.  However you look at it, realizing that your marital relationship will change and go through different seasons is helpful.  It allows you to view your marriage as a “journey through life” or a process, and can keep you from misinterpreting challenging seasons as a “reason to divorce” or “falling out of love.”

What Have You Done for Your Marriage Today?

Your marriage may be in the midst of a change of season. You may feel like you’re in a challenging season or a joyful season.  Spend a few moments discussing this with your spouse.  Identify what the current season is like. What are a few challenges? What positives are you currently experiencing? What do you appreciate about this season?  And, is this a season that attending an NWA Healthy Marriages marital enrichment event would take your marriage from good to great?

The summer months have flown by for our family.   At the end of each summer, I (Erin) love to reflect back and remember all of the fun things we did as a family-going to the pool, fishing together, weekend get-a-ways, etc.  I would love summer to go on forever, and I hate that “all good things much come to an end!” 

As the summer months concludes and we move into a “new” season of school, fall weather, etc, there are many opportunities to “make new” which means “coming or occurring afresh; further.”  For me, the fall does feel like “coming afresh and going further”-especially with my time commitments.  There are those set in stone commitments that cannot change; however, I love the challenge of creating more time for my top priorities like my marriage and my kids. 

What Have You Done for Your Marriage Today?

As you enter into this “fresh new season,” we at NWA Healthy Marriages would like to challenge you to take time to prioritize your marriage.  As you plan out the fall, make sure to schedule the time in for dates, conversations, dinners together or even a NWA Healthy Marriages event!  Research shows that 20 minutes of daily “face to face” time can significantly increase marital satisfaction.  Make your marriage a priority as you enter into this “new season”!

Tell Us About Your Marital Successes! We would love to hear about the dreams you have for your marriage, so join us on our website, blog or facebook page to share these with us!

The One. We spend much of our young lives searching for this mythical counterpart to our hearts, and when we finally say our “I Do’s,” we begin to question if we gave up our search too quickly. We begin to wonder why marriage is so difficult, thinking that it would be easier if we were matched up with our soul mate. But where did we get this idea that there is only one person out there for us? Let me point a finger…

Hollywood has ingrained this notion into us, telling us that we must find that one person out there, and then life will become much easier.  For, after all, all we need is love, right?  But when marital troubles arise and difficulties ensue, we tell ourselves “I did not sign up for this.  It would be easier if we were meant to be.” 

Marriage is hard.  Hollywood can try to hide it, but reality will always prevail.  Love is certainly a necessary ingredient in a healthy marriage, but it cannot overcome the everyday routines, the unrealistic expectations, or the meshing of two different people.  When you find yourself in a difficult time in marriage, remember that you are not alone.  All marriages go through rough patches.  But do not give up on your marriage or your spouse.  Take some time to adjust your expectations of your marriage.  Try not to let Hollywood dictate the rhythm of your marriage.

Marriage Relationships are Dynamic - They are alive and always changing. They need to be fed, stimulated and nourished to stay alive.

Help us get re-acquainted. There is always something new about your spouse. After several years into a marriage, some of us may feel that we know our spouse like the back of our hand. On the flipside, there are those who complain that in spite of being together all these years, they feel they don’t know their spouse at all. “I’m really married to a stranger” is a declaration often uttered to a therapist or marriage counselor. By organizing date nights, we’ll have a sixth sense into what makes our spouse tick. When we dated the first time, we had a long mental list of things we wanted to know about our significant other. There was consuming interest about what the other ate, bought, thought, felt, and their views on nuclear science, the greening of the environment and the roaring of lions. It’s vital that we keep that interest alive. Curiosity won’t kill the cat, far from it, but it will kill the passions if we don’t exercise it.

Serve to maintain excitement in a marriage - Once in awhile we need to feel that the adrenalin in us is still pumping and is in abundant supply. Do you remember the first time love hit you and you felt that every nerve of your being tingled with excitement? We need to feel that excitement many times over regardless of how long we’ve been married: five, ten, twelve, twenty-five. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with breathing life into a stagnant stream. Don’t ever get sucked into believing that your marriage feels like a “recycled” union of two tired and bored souls.

Need to take time off from the kids - We’ve got to admit that the arrival of children robs us of our time together. There are cries in the night that awaken us because the child had a nightmare, the chauffeuring around tends to make us bone tired, arguments with teenagers drain our energies, and there’s a string of doctors’ appointments, school activities, the occasional problems with curfew and hanging out with the wrong crowd. These can get us all tangled up inside, forgetting that there’s also a marriage that needs looking after.

The KEY: Protect your fun times from conflict. - Establish a “gag rule” where you agree not to bring up old conflicts or issues. Protect your date nights from conflict and just have fun!!!

Here are ten ideas to get you started. If you try some of these, let us know what you think. What are some others you have found to be fun?

Date Night Ideas:

1. Plan a movie night. Rent a flick that you’ll both enjoy, make popcorn, and get cozy under the blanket on the couch.

2. Go for a hike or long walk together.

3. Pick up the ingredients you need to create a fabulous meal at the grocery store and then return home and cook it together.

4. Take a sculpting or drawing class together. Or go to one of those stores where you can paint pottery. Your art will give your beloved a new window into your personality.

5. Miniature golf, bowling, pool, or the arcade are always great for some old-fashioned fun and friendly competition.

6. Fill up a picnic basket with goodies. Go to the park and share your feast with one another. Don’t forget your picnic blanket.

7. Root for the home team at a sporting event of your choice. Indulge in hot dogs, peanuts, and Cracker Jacks.

8. Climb a wall or a real mountain together. This sort of activity is fun but also helps couples build trust.

9. Have a tournament of your choice - Battleship, Monopoly, cards, Playstation, etc. For a twist, the winner has to take the loser out to dinner for another date night.

10. Think outside the box and go out for a romantic breakfast instead of dinner.

The barbeque brisket was just beginning to settle in my stomach as the fireworks began exploding.  I (Erin) sat holding my husband’s hand celebrating our 17^th Fourth of July together.  The fireworks display at the resort was impressive…every imaginable shape, color and configuration possible.  One explosion after the other, the cheers and applause continued after each beautiful creation in the sky. 

The 4^th of July is a celebration of our country’s independence and fireworks are a usual part of the festivities.  Marriage actually has something in common with this holiday. Marriage is not a “separating” but a “joining” of two people, and like the 4^th, there can be many “fireworks” involved in the beginning days of this “joining.” 

Think back to the days of courtship, dating and engagement.  What did you typically feel when you saw your future husband or wife walk into a room or show up at the door to pick you up?  Think of your first date, the first time you met, and your first kiss.  This may bring a flood of memories back to you and I guarantee that there aren’t two stories that are identical. Think of the internal “fireworks” that were ignited with each memory-some were large and colorful and others were small and reserved-but fireworks nonetheless!

What Have You Done for Your Marriage Today?

As the “newness” of marriage wears off, these so-called “fireworks” displays probably begin to disappear or weaken as well.  What can we do to keep the feelings of desire, affection, passion excitement and elation alive and well in our marriages?  In other words, what can we do to rekindle the fireworks?  Here are some suggestions:

• Think back to the early days of what drew you to your future spouse. Recall what attracted you to them. Take time to jot down a few thoughts in a note, email or text and send it to your spouse.
• Remind your spouse that you appreciate them and that you not only love them, but “like” them.
• Talk about some of your first dates together. Recreate the exact date and reminisce about the “early” days of your relationship.
• Ask your spouse what would set “fireworks” off for them. Have them write a list of ideas and suggestions. Choose one activity or suggestion per week.
• Give your spouse the benefit of the doubt when you are upset about something. Catch yourself in negative patterns of thinking. Instead, recall what you appreciate about them or what they are doing right.

Although the Fourth of July has come and gone, wouldn’t it be great to experience fireworks all year long in your marriage?  Let the fireworks begin!

Few would argue that finances play a significant role in marriage and divorce. Given the recent nature of the economy, there has been a lot of speculation on how the financial strain will impact marriages. Although the full impact of the recession on marriages may still be unknown, there have been some interesting reports out there on this topic. According to a poll of 1,600 members of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers, nearly 40% indicated that they were seeing a significant decrease in the number of divorce filings. Some speculate that the sheer financial cost of divorce has encouraged some couples to delay divorcing. Others, as featured in this CNN news release below, have went through with their divorce but have decided to continue living together due to finances. It makes you wonder if they can live together, why not stay together? Perhaps their differences aren’t “irreconcilable.”

A number of years ago, researchers surveyed over 13,000 couples from around the country. These couples were asked to rate their marriage from very unhappy to very happy. Very unhappy meaning “Our marriage couldn’t be worse” and very happy implying that “We have a great marriage relationship.” Here’s the amazing part. Looking at the couples who rated their marriage as very unhappy 5 years later, 80% of those who chose to work on their relationship rated their marriage as happy or very happy. So, it is encouraging to see that by sticking with it and choosing to work on their marriage, couples were able to make significant improvements in their marriage.

The troubled economy is putting a strain on all of our relationships, especially our marriages. No matter the circumstances, let’s choose to continue to build into and strengthen our marriages as they will be a firm foundation for us as we weather these storms.

Like the rest of the Jon and Kate Plus 8 fans, I (Lindsey) found the anticipation for tonight’s show almost unbearable all day. Those of us who have grown to know and love the Gosselins, who have invited them into our living rooms every Monday night, shuddered at the thought that this very episode just might be the end of our favorite reality TV family. 

My dear friend, and office-mate Erin Smalley, her two daughters and myself gathered around the t.v. to find out the reveal of what TLC has hyped as their “big announcement”. Even during the show, we took guesses at what it was. Some thought it was the fact that they might stop the show to work on their marriage, others thought it might be divorce. I so desperately wanted it to be the first one. 

Jon and Kate, while being interviewed separately, both easily admitted that they wanted what would make their family happy. Kate finally admitted, after long drama and anticipation, that they were going to separate. Okay … I can handle separation. However, I found myself a bit saddened because their reasons for separating had absolutely nothing to do with their marriage. It once again, led to what would make them happy. Jon and Kate continued to talk in vague terms about their separation and thier relationship. I knew viewers were going to keep wondering after this show was over. But then, TLC lets us in on a little secret. “On Monday June 22, 2009, legal proceedings were initiated in Pennsylvania to dissolve the ten-year marriage of Jon and Kate Gosselin”. Our mouths dropped, although it probably wasn’t as big of a shocker as it should have been. 

So a month after all of the separation talk, of the “lets do the best for our family” talk, after the “I’m in this for the kids” talk, Jon and Kate are going to end it. They both claim they will be together for birthdays, holidays, and major events. But if these events are going to be as awkward and cold as their Mother’s Day brunch was, you can count me out. 

I am saddened by how all of this played out. I am saddened that America has gotten the picture that you don’t have to fight for you marriage, just doing what makes you happy and what’s best for the kids, justifies a divorce. But, I think even what saddens me more, is the camera man became their therapist. I believe they revealed more on national television, separately, than they did to their spouse. Kate at one point even claimed, “I’ve tried to have a discussion with him, he just wont listen to me”. Kate believed that how the events that played out, would have ultimately happened, even if they were not on a reality t.v. show. However, America watched this family grow up, we witnessed over half of their years of marriage, and certainly some of their most trying moments. 

While I have many more thoughts about Jon and Kate, I am more interested in what you might have to say on the subject. 

Do you think Jon and Kate’s divorce is justified? Did they make the right decision? Did they do every thing they could have done? Is happiness in marriage the ultimate answer?