How To Date Your Mate
When planning for your night out, it is important to remember that it is not what you do, but how you do it that counts—it’s about spending quality time with your spouse.
- Put each monthly date night on your calendar. Set aside one evening per month for you and your spouse to participate in NWA Marriage Adventures. Check your schedules and put each date on the calendar—don’t wait for free time. Scheduling something will help you and your spouse come to expect your play times and to enjoy them.
- Take turns creating your date. Alternate who selects dinner and the particular date night outing or activity. Remember that the date doesn’t have to be expensive. If money is tight, then learn to be masters of the cheap date. If you don’t have family around to watch the children, then find other ways to secure babysitters.
- Remember that men and women define a “great date” very differently. One of the reasons couples have trouble is that they have different takes on fun and bonding. Intimacy and friendship for a man is built on shared activity (doing something together), but for women, shared activity is a backdrop for a great conversation. What she wants on date night is a time of verbal intimacy and deep connection. He wants to go do something fun and adventurous. Ironically, it's during fun activities that a man’s heart is most likely to open up and the woman gets the deep verbal connection she longs for. NWA Marriage Adventures will always be a combination of both worlds.
- Reinvent your date night. Brain and behavior researchers say many couples are going about their date night all wrong. Simply spending quality time together is probably not enough to prevent the relationship from getting stale. Rather than visiting the same familiar locations and doing the same old routines, couples need to tailor their date nights around new and different activities that they both enjoy. The goal is to find ways to keep injecting novelty into the relationship. New experiences activate the brain’s reward system, flooding it with dopamine and norepinephrine—the same brain circuits that are ignited in early romantic love! NWA Marriage Adventures was founded upon the principle that the best fun often comes from new and exciting activities.
- Pre-date night 4play. Act as you did when you and your spouse first started dating, taking extra time to feel and look your best. Hold hands, open doors for each other and lock arms. Leave a love note on your pillow or send a flirtatious text message in anticipation of your special night. Take out the lingerie that has been collecting dust in your dresser. Show some enthusiasm and excitement the day before your NWA Marriage Adventure date!
- Protect your fun times from the pressures of life and from CONFLICT! This is not a night to discuss the bills or the problems you have at work; it’s time to focus on the two of you. Furthermore, never try to manage serious issues or conflict while on a date. If all you do is to fight or tackle conflict issues while on a date, hurt feelings, frustration and seriousness becomes associated with your date night and then you will intentionally avoid being alone together. Before your enjoyment is destroyed, interrupt arguments or sensitive discussion by agreeing to talk about an issue at a later time when you can provide the necessary attention it deserves.
- Remember it. Be your own love historian. Bring a camera or Flip video along and take photos of you and your spouse at different locations. Upload your favorite shots to our photo and video sharing site.
