How to dream together and nurture a vision for a shared future
1. Set goals. Two people will not continue walking in the same direction unless they first agree on the destination. Goals are planned steps along the way that make your dreams reality. Set specific, realistic short-term and long-term goals for your finances, your children and fun things that will enhance your relationship and bring you closer together. And, since you both know your joint expectations, setting goals helps reduce the chance of conflict. However, don’t be slaves to a formula. If circumstances change, change your goals. Remember, goals are helpful, but talking about your future is even more powerful than setting goals.
2. Share your dreams. Dreams involve our deepest hopes. Though difficult at first, the more you share, the more committed you tend to be; and, the more committed you are, the easier it is to share. Sharing dreams allows you to understand the deeper regions of each other and makes it easier to move dreams into the category of goals. Even if you've tried to share your dreams but have been put down, try again. Meanwhile, do what you can to make your marriage safe for dreaming.
3. Plan future fun. It's fun to plan for fun, whether it's a special monthly date or a getaway weekend in several months. The plans don't have to be elaborate or costly. The main thing is you both have something to look forward to doing together.
4. Follow rituals and traditions. Rituals and traditions bring stability and unity to a marriage. Having things “we always do together” and do “our way” sets you off as a distinct couple, separate from the rest of the world, and helps strengthen your sense of a perpetual future. Traditions can be something involving annual events (putting “our special” bulb on the Christmas tree together or going to the same vacation spot every year) or weekly happenings (Sunday night becomes “our date night”). They can include traditional meals for birthdays, attending sporting events to root for “our team,” and visiting “our restaurant” every year to celebrate the place of “our first date.”
