Date Night: WeLISTEN - {slow to speak, quick to listen}

The first duty of love is to listen. ~ Paul Tillich

In order to have a happy, successful marriage you have to make yourself an expert in communication. And the secret of good communication is not talking but listening.

Listening is the art of connecting with your spouse so you fully understand what they are saying and feeling. Listening is choosing to make your primary goal understanding rather than being understood.

Think back to when you first started dating. Remember how much you talked. It felt wonderful to have someone listen to you–to pay attention to what you were saying. This was one of the reasons why you fell in love. If listening and being heard with a caring and loving heart made you fall in love, doesn’t it make sense that listening would also help you sustain a loving marriage over time?

WHY IS IT SO HARD TO LISTEN?

Listening is difficult because we can listen 5 times as fast as we can speak. In the time it takes your spouse to say 100 words, you have the capacity to hear 500 words. So, while your spouse is talking, you are listening with only a fraction of the capacity for attention. The rest of your mind impatiently uses the extra capacity for other things—to formulate a rebuttal, to plan the next day's work, to fantasize about your future, to think of an excuse for not being home for dinner on time, to reminisce about a vacation, etc.

One of the greatest gifts one spouse can give to the other is the gift of listening. But far too many couples only hear one another. Few actually listen. So, how good a listener are you? Don’t leave your spouse starving to be heard by you. If your spouse can’t talk to you, they may be tempted to talk to someone else who will listen. We encourage you to make a conscious effort to listen with your head and your compassionate heart. Plan a special Marriage Adventures date night to have the kind of conversation you once did when you were dating. And don’t be surprised if you don’t find a new “spark” in your marriage.

BENEFITS OF EFFECTIVE LISTENING BECOMING A BETTER LISTENER

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