Date Night: Tips for Prioritizing Your Marriage

Tips for Prioritizing Your Marriage

  • Make Time. One of the major components of strengthening your marriage is to make sure you spend enough time together.  Now we know that many of you already are coming up with a list of excuses as to why you cannot find the time to spend with each other.  And yet, satisfied couples don’t “find” the time to be together, they “make” time to be together.
  • Pay attention.  Keep your finger on the pulse of your relationship. If it feels distant or disconnected, it usually is. Focus on the state of your marriage.
  • Steal moments together. If you have young children in the house, it’s often difficult to find times to connect with your spouse. Take advantage of bed time routines. Have short discussions while the kids are in the bathtub. Sit together on the deck after they go to bed. Start a Saturday morning routine if you have teenagers who sleep in. Look for moments throughout your day, you’ll likely find many opportunities.
  • Date each other. Make a point to have an evening alone with your spouse at least once a month. Take advantage of family members who live close by or contribute to the economy of a local teenager by hiring them to babysit so you and your spouse can go out for an evening. It may take some planning, but it’s worth it.
  • Put your date night on the calendar! Don't relegate your relationship to scraps of leftover time. In mapping out your schedule for the next several weeks, why not start with writing in date times for you and your spouse? Then add discretionary things like golf, shopping, and community volunteer activities. Popular author Stephen R. Covey says, “The key is not to prioritize what's on your schedule, but to schedule your priorities.”
  • Disconnect from media. Try it for a week, or limit the TV you watch, internet you surf and texting you do. Use that time to talk, do little projects together, or spend the time in other pursuits (wink, wink).
  • Create your own marriage rituals. Do something regularly that bonds you, such as 10 minutes to chat before bed, always having morning coffee together, or saving Saturday for date night.
  • Ask: Is it good for our marriage? When you bump up against any important decision in your marriage, don't just talk about whether it's good for you and for your spouse. Make it a point to talk about and think about whether it's good for your marriage.
  • Review your calendar. You are overcommitted if friends, visits with your parents and extended family, hobbies, clocking overtime hours on the job, or volunteer and community commitments have crowded out the three kinds of time you need with your beloved: casual catching-up, scheduled dates, and intimate encounters.
  • Constantly communicate. The busier you are, the greater your need to communicate with your spouse. It can be easy for things to go unsaid and upcoming appointments and events not to be discussed. This will create conflict and tension in your marriage. Stay in touch with your spouse so they know how important they are to you.
  • Frequently connect with your spouse. Use brief phone calls, text messaging or e-mails to connect or flirt with your spouse throughout the day. Let them know you care about them or were just thinking about them. Have a "good morning conversation" (Say Goodbye Well) and a "good night conversation", whether you are together or not.
  • Do household tasks together. One way to stay connected when you are both working is to do your "home-work" together. Fix meals, clean house, and help with the kids together. This will give you the opportunity to talk and build your marriage relationship while doing the things that need to be done on a daily basis.
  • Be protective of time. Quality time cannot replace quantity time. Schedule and cautiously preserve blocks of time with your spouse. Do this by scheduling a weekly date night, set meal times, no-work Sundays, and work-free vacations.